When I get home from work on the weekends

Little less than an hour at work. So Fucking tired and in so much pain. I’m also blind as fuck and everything that I’m typing right now is just one big blur.

I wasn’t in pain when I took this picture or when I did my makeup! Lipstick is poinsettia by the king himself Jeffree ☆

We are at our breaking points & I have been strongly considering suicide because of this situation. I’ve been taking my blood pressure meds & my Valium but it’s not helping much. This kind of stress is not good. It’s making my blood boil & my pain flare up like crazy. It never stops. I fear that Paul is going to have a ♡ attack or a stroke and my ♡ breaks that I can not help him. He’s taking out his anger on me because he has no where else to put it but he also apologizes and understands that I can’t do anything about this either. I haven’t been suicidal since early 2021 but the past 6 months or so that’s all I’ve Fucking wanted was to end it all. We can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it anymore.

𝙿𝚊𝚞𝚕𝚢 and I have got to the point where we are literally all out of options and just have to keep waiting for karma to kick in. Some people don’t realize there’s consequences to their actions & when you keep fucking up you are running out of ways to hide and avoid it. It will catch up to you one way or another! I wish these miserable fucks a free trip to hell!

Btw I don’t know if I told you guys that I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease about 3 months ago and also something called “reversed lordosis” in my neck, which isn’t as serious as the degenerative disc disease but still painful.

Damn. So much craziness going on. I haven’t even been blogging about the last two years because this shit is so insane. We’re dealing with it quietly, and trying to keep our composure (even though we shouldn’t have to) but wow I never thought it was possible that this is something we would ever have to deal with in our lives.

Love this pic of me!

My neighbors are both elderly and they adopted an abused dog in 2019 and he was only 4 then he’s about 7 now & I take him off their hands a lot we first had him for 10 days when they went on a cruise and he got acclimated very fast and ever since then since the beginning of may he’s already slept over like 5 or 6 times. I sometimes will take him for one day or I take him for two days. We just give him Brady’s stuffed animals to play with & we have a secret treat stash for him. It’s hard to get him to eat and when he does eat I have to hand feed him piece by piece because he is sooo spoiled lmao but I love having him! He is so fun to snuggle with & sleep with but he’s very BIG BONED he weighs like 30 pounds so he’s hard to move & if I try to move my leg the tiniest bit in the middle of the night he growls at me hahaha. He just always wants to be stuck to me. Paul gets jealous because he would rather sleep with me instead of Paul & if Paul tries to take him outside he growls at him and won’t move but then if I get up and try to grab him he’ll go right out with me lol. We need to walk him because his owners are to sick & frail to walk him so it’s really my pleasure to go visit him 2-3 times a week (Paul goes more often) and I sometimes will take him for a few hours on saturdays and then I pick him up Sunday mornings and drive him back Monday afternoons. He’s such a sweetheart.

Last Saturday I made almost $200 at the door before I paid for food & water, still left with like $168 I think. It’s not because I dressed like this though, there’s times my boobs and makeup look perfect and I only make $10.