Sky High, Iced out.

Heck yeahh I felt convicted when I walked into church today. I didn’t feel worthy of being in the house of God, but the first song that they were singing when I walked in late reminded me that God is not here to judge us for the things we do wrong, but to help us get through them and understand that his grace will cover all of our sins because we’re all sinners. I know now that they way I was acting was wrong and my focus was all on greed and lust and what was best for my happiness, instead of what was pleasing to the Lord. I’m going back to youth group in a couple hours and I’m going to talk to somebody about what’s been going on and I know that nobody will judge me there. There’s a verse in the bible I don’t know where, but I remember it from when I was little it says “All have sinned and fell short of the Glory of God” I have already recognized what I’ve done wrong and I’ve already repented and turned the other way from my mistakes.

Lol there really is no hope for my future.

1. A fat Girl
2. A fat girl with a gap in her teeth
3. A fat girl with scars
4. A fat girl with stretch marks
5. Someone who hates smoking weed

AKA - TABBY ELIZA-JANE BESSETTE

This is directed towards me btw. This is not about anybody specific.

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That im going to spend the rest of my life alone. I know that I should have Jesus fill my hole instead of a person who I mean nothing to, but It just feels like Jesus is so far away right now. I don’t think i’ve ever felt further from him than i do now. It’s probably because I keep forgetting to pray, and when I do pray it’s just like im talking to a toilet. I wish I could see the big picture of my future and knew what was going to happen ahead of time.

I really thought that he loved me and now that I know that he doesn’t anymore I don’t know if i’ll ever be able to open up to anyone else ever again. I trusted him so much. He knew I had issues trusting people and I didn’t let down my walls for a while, but he took advantage of that.

On top of being a nice person with a nice personality, I guess it really just does come down to looks…… Since not even my looks could keep him, I guess that just means im ugly as hell.

My frustrations are building up inside of me. I didn’t cry today, but I just kept sighing and sighing and sighing and sighing.

I set up an appointment with a therapist today because I need a behavioral therapist right now, well i’ve needed one for the longest time, but right now I need one more than anything.

It’s hiding in the dark
It’s teeth are razor sharp
There’s no escape for me
It wants my soul,
It wants my heart
No one can hear me scream
Maybe it’s just a dream
Or maybe it’s inside of me
Stop this monster!

So to sum this up I just feel lonely and like nobody could ever like me and i’ll never feel the way I feel about travis about anyone else, i guess.

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